Expectations and The Apocalypse of Rainfall

I have a strange way of setting expectations: I don't have them.

You might be like, "Whaaaaaat?" But it's true: I never expect anything from anyone or anything. Because it sucks to be let down. But also for a more important reason: It make the good times stand out.

Let's set an example. Say I'm going to a party. Let's say that I'm expecting it to be the best party ever where I dance the whole time and end up passing out from too much fun. Of course, this doesn't happen, and I leave this party feeling stolen of my rights. What rights, you ask? I don't know. Maybe my rights to predicting the future? I can't clarify. But, the point is: I have let myself down. I never even thought about the good stuff that happened at the party; only the fact that I felt cheated.

Let's say that never happened. Let's say that I'm going to that same party, but instead, I have no idea what to expect. So I don't assume anything, other than I should wear shoes and bring a coat. I go, and end up joking with my friends, jamming to certain songs, and spending the whole time smiling. I might not have been a party animal, but heck, I had a good time.

The difference? Not expecting anything. Not really sure how it works, but if I have no idea what I'm getting myself into, I end up having more fun, being happier, and in turn, making the people around me happier.

I started this blog with one expectation. That's saying a lot, coming from someone who normally doesn't have any. I expected it to fail. No joke; I never even imagined actual people in the actual outside world ever reading it.

It's one thing to have no expectations and end up having a good time; it's a different thing entirely to expect the worst and then get the EXACT OPPOSITE. I never even knew it was possible, but here you are, proving me completely wrong. And it makes me so happy. Like, so happy that I have tried again and again to voice my euphoria, and failed every single time. So I keep trying, and failing. This is the closest I've come, really, and it still doesn't illustrate it the way I want it to.

But when I let you down? That crushes me even more. It feels like I've been buried underneath a building that was set on fire before it toppled on top of me. And it makes me so sad, and frustrated, and worried that you're losing your trust in me. Because, I've gotta say, I have not come anywhere close to giving you what I promised.

I choose now to write this because I've let you down. Again.

Long story short: I've been working on this comic. And it's been a year in the making, so it's really thought out on my part, and I was going to make this big reveal on Friday the 24th, and it was all going smoothly, and I was happy. Of course, once things start going smoothly, that should be a warning that something bad's going to happen, but I failed to see reason that day. (Well, I fail to see reason almost all the time, but, you know, I'm a teenager. That's what we teens do, really. Fail to see reason.) I hadn't finished it yet, so I brought it with me one day in my backpack, and, well, it rained. Needless to say, it got completely soaked, and now it's ruined. All of the pages have had at least some marker bleed on them, and so they're tinted pink. And Batman? He ain't pink.

So now I feel like I've let you down. It was my fault that I had it in my backpack, but it wasn't my fault it rained. I'm not really sure where the blame falls, but that's not really the point. I still feel terrible.

I'm going to try to fix this. It might go longer than any of us want it to, and I'm sorry. I know I keep saying that, but I keep doing stuff that I need to apologize for. I feel like a jerk if I don't tell you that I feel bad about ruining your blog experience.

THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE ANYWAY!! You make me feel like I can go on, and if you guys weren't here reading this I'm not sure I'd have the confidence to even go out in public. It's weird; impressing complete strangers gives me the confidence to do stuff.

So anyway, I'm losing track of what I'm talking about here, so I'm going to end this post. Please bear with me; I've got a lot of stuff. What with Halloween coming up (which I don't even have the beginning of my costume done yet -- oops!), and basketball tryouts the day before my birthday next month, and friends suddenly quitting, and random allergic reactions to stuff I'm not even supposed to be allergic to, and... there's just a lot of stuff going on in my personal life I don't need to stress you about, but here I am, rambling again. I'll let you get on with your own personal life.

    You guys are the best time travelers in the universe.
                   ~PolarFarina.      (Does it have to make sense? My life doesn't make sense. Deal with it.)