I got really mad today. I was looking for the Wii remote and couldn't find it.
The problem here is that we technically own two remotes, but there was this period of time where my family practically forgot that we owned a Wii entirely. And the reason for that is because we used to have friends come over all the time because my dad technically babysat them, even though they were old enough to be left in their own house alone. But whatever, we played Wii games all day, and that was fun. You know, until their parents actually realized that they were probably getting too old to be "babysat." When that happened, our exclusively multiplayer games just lost their lust. It's so much better to have four players than two. So for a while we just lost track of everything related; the games gathered dust in various places, the remotes shoved into some random box. The console lay to the side of the TV, which soon became a Mac, incapable of working the Wii, which was becoming woefully ignored.
But one day, a game was introduced to me. It was called Just Dance. It had been out for a while, and there was actually three games before the one I was introduced to, but it didn't matter. Something that few people realized at the time is that I loved dancing games. I used to play Dance Dance Revolution all the time at a friend's house. No one I knew really liked them that much, though, because I never really talked about it, so when I came in and played my heart out at Just Dance, I think at least some people were surprised. Like, I talk a lot about my life, but there are certain things that never cross my mind to mention that really surprise people, and judging by their reactions, they weren't expecting my enthusiasm.
I royally sucked at Just Dance. It wasn't anything like Dance Dance Revolution; the version I had experience with dealt entirely with feet, while this game revolved around the hands and arms. Playing Just Dance, I was clumsy. I was a danger to those around me.
But I looked that game in the face and knew that I could take on this challenge. I could master the game if I had the chance.
I've always had a problem with exercise. My main problem being that every choice I had was just so... public. Like, I'm not thin, and I don't need to feel really self conscious while I'm riding my bike, or jogging, or playing sports. I wanted an indoor exercise, one that I could practice without the feeling of the world staring down my back.
And now, voila, I had it. That is, of course, if my parents would buy it for our Wii. The last game we had bought for the Wii was purchased maybe three years prior. It was going to be tricky. Especially with the fact that we had to get a special USB plugin in order to even USE the Wii with the computer we used as a television.
Somehow, I managed to convince my parents to get me the game, and then it was all me, practicing my heart out. I didn't just wave the remote around like an idiot. I actually did the moves.
Lots of practicing led my family to be driven away from using the Wii completely, excepting me, of course. For about two years, I was the only one to really use the Wii. And so, only one remote was needed.
At the beginning of this summer, I was really a lot more busy than I anticipated. In fact, I was so busy, I dropped my exercise routine completely, because the work I was doing in itself counted as exercise. But things have finally calmed down, and so tonight I went to go get the Wii remote and start some Just Dance, like I've always done.
But the Wii remote wasn't there. I remembered that a few days ago, my sister and I had brought the remote to a neighbor's house, so we could all four play a certain game, because they only had three remotes and we needed four. And it was still there.
It was 10:00 at night. I couldn't just waltz over and ask for it. They'd already been asleep for an hour and a half; so I did the only thing I could think of next.
I searched for the other Wii remote. For an hour straight. Through our messy house.
I didn't find it.
This is me ranting about it.
I'm still mad, and frankly, at this point, it could be on the moon, for all I know. It's simply gone, and now I don't get my workout, and I have to wait until tomorrow afternoon to get the first remote back.
This is a really long post about a rant about something stupid, please don't take it too seriously. I'm just already agitated from an earlier experience, and then added to the hour I wasted looking for something that apparently doesn't exist anymore, and the dinner I never ate, it just blew up. I got super mad about it. But now I've blown off the steam, and I feel better about it.
I wanted to write this other thing I'm working on that I'm not going to tell you about because if I do I'll never finish it, but I was too angry to. The only thing that I could manage was this monster of a post. It was all my fault, every last bit of it. Sorry. But that's what my life is. Completely random and not without its downs.
Meh, that's all for now. Maybe I'll work on that comic. Or maybe I'll work on this other secret thing. Who knows?
~Polar
(PS If you had ever watched me play Team Fortress 2, you'd know just how aggravated I can get because of video games.)
(I yell a lot. So much that the other kids who are also yelling about other video games tell me I'm being too loud.)
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
I am the Worst at Planning
So, heads-up... I got a bit over-excited last post, if you hadn't noticed. I got so excited, in fact, that I forgot about previous commitments.
This whole week, starting yesterday and going through Sunday, I'm busy being a counselor for this local day camp thing. We get to go to Safari Sam's, which is basically Chuck-E-Cheese but about fifty times better, the local pool, see a movie, visit an amusement park, and do one more thing I can't remember right now. The point here being that it's fun.
But, because I'm doing this thing, I can't really post anything until next Monday. Sorry folks, but that's due to poor planning on my part. I will totally be done with everything and ready to go by next Monday, which is the 29th. So, see you then!
~Polar
This whole week, starting yesterday and going through Sunday, I'm busy being a counselor for this local day camp thing. We get to go to Safari Sam's, which is basically Chuck-E-Cheese but about fifty times better, the local pool, see a movie, visit an amusement park, and do one more thing I can't remember right now. The point here being that it's fun.
But, because I'm doing this thing, I can't really post anything until next Monday. Sorry folks, but that's due to poor planning on my part. I will totally be done with everything and ready to go by next Monday, which is the 29th. So, see you then!
~Polar
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Dishes and School
I try to breathe as I sit down on my bed. I look at everything spread across it: Papers, sketchbooks, a coffee mug, a bag of yogurt-covered pretzels. My usual stuffed bear, Jack; colored pencils. Loads of colored pencils. My laptop: I was just using it to post something important on my blog. It was a pretty big milestone, in fact. But that's not the point here, I tell myself. Not anymore. If you over-think your success, you'll just be disappointed later. So I blast some music and go on Tumblr: the only place where I can do what I like and not worry too much about what others will think. But just as my song starts, Mom knocks on my door and opens it. She never waits to see if I say "come in" anymore.
I tense, knowing what will come. I've been avoiding my responsibilities all day. And now the sun was setting. Time to face my fears.
"Come downstairs and do the dishes," she says. I reluctantly get up, stick earbuds in. Listening to music always makes the job a hundred times easier. As I walk downstairs, Dad says something, but I can't hear. Turns out he was just saying hi. I say "Hi" back. Really, when I think about it, this job is a pretty good distraction in itself.
As I start working, at first putting clean dishes away in the cupboards, my mind wanders. I think about earlier today, how I went out of town with friends. We went to the art museum, the one in the (probably) most famous city in the state, known for being extremely weird and full of hipsters. The art museum was nice, though. I had to draw some of the works of art in one of my classes a few months ago, and it was cool to see them in person, I guess. But when I go to big art museums like that, my brain almost short-circuits after a while. Too much information at once, too much thinking. If I've been in one for too long, I start feeling lightheaded and jittery, the way I do right before I get a headache or become too dehydrated. Except it's not a headache, and it's not me being dehydrated. It's just me thinking and looking too hard. It's me exploring and loving the art too hard. It's one way to prove I'm the kind of person who does everything the hard way or not at all. Either I like the art so much I practically pass out, or I don't like it at all. I'm so weird.
It reminds me of how I play hide and seek, actually. The first round, I'm never found. I get the perfect spot. But then, after that, I get too cocky, even if I tell myself not to be, and I try so hard to find a good hiding spot that it becomes so obvious where I'm hiding everyone begins to wonder if I cheated the first round. That's how it worked last night, when my sister and two other friends and I went to the library for game night. There was both Wii games on the bottom floor and hide and seek on the second. At night. It was pretty cool. But in the dark, I tend to get mistaken for a boy a lot. Like, I'm not kidding. I wear too many printed T-shirts, I guess. But I can't help being a super-geeky nerd who can only win Super Smash Bros using the most cutesy character ever. Seriously, though, Kirby? Out of every single character I've played as, I can only win as Kirby? What is my life becoming these days?
My back hurts now. Lots of bending down to put the dishes in the dishwasher. And then standing back up to get another thing and bending down again to put it in the dishwasher. It's really hot tonight. Does Mom realize how warm it is? Of course she does. But doing the dishes in the heat isn't an excuse for anything.
An ad interrupts my thoughts; I forgot I was listening to the radio. I sigh. Almost done, anyways. Maybe I should draw something cool and relaxing when I get back upstairs.
I think about my summer homework. Yeah, you heard that right. Advanced Placement classes have homework over the summer, so students can get a head start when school starts back up. I mean, summer has barely lasted for a week and two days, so I don't need to worry too much about it yet. I already have the reading material I need. I remember being so excited to have gotten it. I wonder why I was so happy to have summer homework?
I suppose it wasn't so much the work itself, but what it signified. It meant that I was in. I was in the clear, and I will be taking Junior Shakespeare next school year. And I know that that is a good sign, because A) it was the class I signed up for; B) I love Shakespeare for reasons I have yet to understand; and C) it means I am on the road toward an Honors diploma.
But at the same time, I have the attitude of not ever wanting to set foot in that place ever again. I don't know why. I used to love school; I used to want to go, every day. But high school isn't nearly as rewarding as it should be, in my opinion. It's like, in order not to get a letter home, in order to not get in trouble, you have to do well. Instead of doing well being a rewarding experience, you're expected to just get good grades. And I don't know why but I just despise that expectation. Plus, the grading is brutal, compared to other countries. In a lot of other countries, getting 50% is a C. A passing grade, a job well done. But here, in America? 50% is a low F. You think us Americans are dumb? Maybe it's just the grading system that needs to be fixed.
Not to mention that my school is adopting this "proficiency grading system". Ugh. Instead of percents or letters, we're being graded on a 1 to 5 scale. Let me explain these in that order. If you get a 1, it means you didn't even turn your assigment in, or you weren't there. It's basically the equivalent of "missing." If you get a 2, it means you tried, but messed up so bad you might as well just redo everything. A 3 means you missed a few questions; you could have done better. A four says you missed maybe one or two at the maximum, but you didn't get a perfect score; you know your stuff, but can still improve. And a 5 means it's perfect; there are no notes to make, other than that it's pure perfection -- nothing wrong or out of place. A 5 is 100%.
I would like to point out that a 3 is in the middle, like a C would be. It's designated for those who missed more than a couple, but still obviously get the point. But the thing that bothers me the most is that everyone's saying that a 3 doesn't pass. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, a C just doesn't cut it anymore -- now you have to get a 4 (aka a B) or higher. Now they're really expecting everyone to succeed.
And I don't know why, but the expectation that I will do well just makes me about 60% more likely to fail. And that is why I hate this system. Everyone's grades will start to go down. I'm already stressing about it too much and it's not even really the official grading system yet. I"M NOT EVEN IN SCHOOL RIGHT NOW AND IT STILL STRESSES ME OUT. Kids don't need more stress in their lives. They should have more freedom, give them more of a chance, not less of one.
Ugh. I frown as I squirt dishwasher soap into the little compartment, slam the door of the dishwasher closed, and press the start button. I grump upstairs. I talked myself into a bad mood, darn it. Well, I think. There's only one way to fix that.
I should go write about it.
~Polar
((If you didn't see it yet and are too lazy to specifically navigate to it, I posted the first page of a comic not too long ago. You can go here to read it.))
I tense, knowing what will come. I've been avoiding my responsibilities all day. And now the sun was setting. Time to face my fears.
"Come downstairs and do the dishes," she says. I reluctantly get up, stick earbuds in. Listening to music always makes the job a hundred times easier. As I walk downstairs, Dad says something, but I can't hear. Turns out he was just saying hi. I say "Hi" back. Really, when I think about it, this job is a pretty good distraction in itself.
As I start working, at first putting clean dishes away in the cupboards, my mind wanders. I think about earlier today, how I went out of town with friends. We went to the art museum, the one in the (probably) most famous city in the state, known for being extremely weird and full of hipsters. The art museum was nice, though. I had to draw some of the works of art in one of my classes a few months ago, and it was cool to see them in person, I guess. But when I go to big art museums like that, my brain almost short-circuits after a while. Too much information at once, too much thinking. If I've been in one for too long, I start feeling lightheaded and jittery, the way I do right before I get a headache or become too dehydrated. Except it's not a headache, and it's not me being dehydrated. It's just me thinking and looking too hard. It's me exploring and loving the art too hard. It's one way to prove I'm the kind of person who does everything the hard way or not at all. Either I like the art so much I practically pass out, or I don't like it at all. I'm so weird.
It reminds me of how I play hide and seek, actually. The first round, I'm never found. I get the perfect spot. But then, after that, I get too cocky, even if I tell myself not to be, and I try so hard to find a good hiding spot that it becomes so obvious where I'm hiding everyone begins to wonder if I cheated the first round. That's how it worked last night, when my sister and two other friends and I went to the library for game night. There was both Wii games on the bottom floor and hide and seek on the second. At night. It was pretty cool. But in the dark, I tend to get mistaken for a boy a lot. Like, I'm not kidding. I wear too many printed T-shirts, I guess. But I can't help being a super-geeky nerd who can only win Super Smash Bros using the most cutesy character ever. Seriously, though, Kirby? Out of every single character I've played as, I can only win as Kirby? What is my life becoming these days?
My back hurts now. Lots of bending down to put the dishes in the dishwasher. And then standing back up to get another thing and bending down again to put it in the dishwasher. It's really hot tonight. Does Mom realize how warm it is? Of course she does. But doing the dishes in the heat isn't an excuse for anything.
An ad interrupts my thoughts; I forgot I was listening to the radio. I sigh. Almost done, anyways. Maybe I should draw something cool and relaxing when I get back upstairs.
I think about my summer homework. Yeah, you heard that right. Advanced Placement classes have homework over the summer, so students can get a head start when school starts back up. I mean, summer has barely lasted for a week and two days, so I don't need to worry too much about it yet. I already have the reading material I need. I remember being so excited to have gotten it. I wonder why I was so happy to have summer homework?
I suppose it wasn't so much the work itself, but what it signified. It meant that I was in. I was in the clear, and I will be taking Junior Shakespeare next school year. And I know that that is a good sign, because A) it was the class I signed up for; B) I love Shakespeare for reasons I have yet to understand; and C) it means I am on the road toward an Honors diploma.
But at the same time, I have the attitude of not ever wanting to set foot in that place ever again. I don't know why. I used to love school; I used to want to go, every day. But high school isn't nearly as rewarding as it should be, in my opinion. It's like, in order not to get a letter home, in order to not get in trouble, you have to do well. Instead of doing well being a rewarding experience, you're expected to just get good grades. And I don't know why but I just despise that expectation. Plus, the grading is brutal, compared to other countries. In a lot of other countries, getting 50% is a C. A passing grade, a job well done. But here, in America? 50% is a low F. You think us Americans are dumb? Maybe it's just the grading system that needs to be fixed.
Not to mention that my school is adopting this "proficiency grading system". Ugh. Instead of percents or letters, we're being graded on a 1 to 5 scale. Let me explain these in that order. If you get a 1, it means you didn't even turn your assigment in, or you weren't there. It's basically the equivalent of "missing." If you get a 2, it means you tried, but messed up so bad you might as well just redo everything. A 3 means you missed a few questions; you could have done better. A four says you missed maybe one or two at the maximum, but you didn't get a perfect score; you know your stuff, but can still improve. And a 5 means it's perfect; there are no notes to make, other than that it's pure perfection -- nothing wrong or out of place. A 5 is 100%.
I would like to point out that a 3 is in the middle, like a C would be. It's designated for those who missed more than a couple, but still obviously get the point. But the thing that bothers me the most is that everyone's saying that a 3 doesn't pass. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, a C just doesn't cut it anymore -- now you have to get a 4 (aka a B) or higher. Now they're really expecting everyone to succeed.
And I don't know why, but the expectation that I will do well just makes me about 60% more likely to fail. And that is why I hate this system. Everyone's grades will start to go down. I'm already stressing about it too much and it's not even really the official grading system yet. I"M NOT EVEN IN SCHOOL RIGHT NOW AND IT STILL STRESSES ME OUT. Kids don't need more stress in their lives. They should have more freedom, give them more of a chance, not less of one.
Ugh. I frown as I squirt dishwasher soap into the little compartment, slam the door of the dishwasher closed, and press the start button. I grump upstairs. I talked myself into a bad mood, darn it. Well, I think. There's only one way to fix that.
I should go write about it.
~Polar
((If you didn't see it yet and are too lazy to specifically navigate to it, I posted the first page of a comic not too long ago. You can go here to read it.))
The Last Panel is My Favorite
Hey. So, to tell you the truth, it's been ages since I've written anything even sort of lengthy about a fictional event -- most of the writing I've done in the past few months has been strictly essays for classes. Please bear with me; I'm still warming up, and trying to shake myself from the conformity that school forces onto oneself.
In the meantime, I stressed out about not having anything to give you, so I rushed to start drawing this comic I was talking about. In fact, I'm already finished with the first page.
It was at this point I realized: Who says you have to do it all at once? One of the main reasons I've been having so much trouble with this comic dealio is that I try to do the entire thing before posting it. And then I realize it isn't good enough, or it gets ruined by some rebellious weather conditions, and I have to start over. And every single time, it gets longer. So here I am, drawing this comic I've been trying to get finished for the past year and a half, the longest run yet, and I'm going to go one page at a time. None of this "biting off more than I can chew" business. And I have to say, this one's a doozy. You remember my other two Randomness comics? They were terribly done, black and white, not even past the pencil sketching stage. They were sad excuses for a finished product, to be honest. But this time? Inked! With color! And probably at least three times longer than those other two! So buckle up, people. The ride may start out bumpy but I assure you, once we get going, there's no stopping the fun until it's done. (I also sort of didn't scan this one in; I jumped the gun a bit, honestly. This one is a literal picture taken with my literal iPod.)
You ready? Like I said, it starts out bumpy. But it only goes up from here, I swear.
SUPERHERO PSYCHOLOGY
#1
I know, this seems to leave a lot to be desired. But trust me. It will get a lot better as we go along. Puns and all.
~Polar
((All superheroes shown or to be shown in this comic are copyrighted to DC and Marvel. Storyline is copyright of my freshman Drama class.))
In the meantime, I stressed out about not having anything to give you, so I rushed to start drawing this comic I was talking about. In fact, I'm already finished with the first page.
It was at this point I realized: Who says you have to do it all at once? One of the main reasons I've been having so much trouble with this comic dealio is that I try to do the entire thing before posting it. And then I realize it isn't good enough, or it gets ruined by some rebellious weather conditions, and I have to start over. And every single time, it gets longer. So here I am, drawing this comic I've been trying to get finished for the past year and a half, the longest run yet, and I'm going to go one page at a time. None of this "biting off more than I can chew" business. And I have to say, this one's a doozy. You remember my other two Randomness comics? They were terribly done, black and white, not even past the pencil sketching stage. They were sad excuses for a finished product, to be honest. But this time? Inked! With color! And probably at least three times longer than those other two! So buckle up, people. The ride may start out bumpy but I assure you, once we get going, there's no stopping the fun until it's done. (I also sort of didn't scan this one in; I jumped the gun a bit, honestly. This one is a literal picture taken with my literal iPod.)
You ready? Like I said, it starts out bumpy. But it only goes up from here, I swear.
SUPERHERO PSYCHOLOGY
#1
I know, this seems to leave a lot to be desired. But trust me. It will get a lot better as we go along. Puns and all.
~Polar
((All superheroes shown or to be shown in this comic are copyrighted to DC and Marvel. Storyline is copyright of my freshman Drama class.))
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
ARRGH Hello Fellow Readers, How is Your Life
I'm thinking hard about what to write. And it's not happening.
Look, I know what I want to write. I know when and how to write it down. I'm listening to good writing music. I want to talk about so much stuff. But my own thoughts constantly interrupt what I'm planning to do. And I end up going nowhere. Sigh.
So, right now? I'm working on this possibly big-scale comic. And I plan to follow through with it! Once I prove to myself that I'm good at meeting personal deadlines, I can finally finish that other one that I constantly have been promising everyone for the last year and a half. Yay! :)
Also, if you didn't catch on, I have a Tumblr. Two, actually. I spend a lot more time on them than I anticipated, and one of my usernames is epicninjabowlerhatguy. Pretty long, but meh. I like it. I also have an ask blog, designed for people to send in questions and I make tiny little comics in response. It's been as successful as one can expect. Username for that one being ask-fressy-faxbeat, because it's aimed at the characters of the horror game franchise Five Nights at Freddy's. And ask-freddy-fazbear was already taken. Parodies are more fun anyways. Feel free to check them both out, though I haven't been too active on either lately. I've been too busy with -- shock, gasp, surprise -- working exercise and fun outdoor activities into my schedule.
It's actually pretty cool. But I have to ease into it.
It's summer, guys. But I don't quite feel the freedom summer usually offers quite yet. And thus, I have a lack of excitement to voice to you all.
I want you to know that in the past couple months, I've seriously upped my artistic game. Like, I've explored more artistic media in the past three weeks than I probably have the rest of my life. And for once, I'm liking what I'm turning out. So maybe I'll be uploading some images of said artwork. Who knows?
Okay, I'm really losing any sense of direction here. I guess my point here is that I'm really, seriously, not dead, and I am doing things with my life. I'm not just sitting around being a lazy potato. That would be really cute, actually. A potato doodle.
*Mind wanders again, then I realize I'm talking about something and abruptly jumps back in, pretending I remember what I was going on about*
Bloggers tell about their lives. And as such, I plan to tell you about my adventures. But I've not been too adventurous quite yet, so it'll have to wait a bit, but I'm trying to point out that I will be posting over the summer like I promised! And there will be cool stuff! Because I've become a cooler person since last summer!
I would really love some feedback, too, y'know? Even if it's just a random conversation or a compliment or a criticism. It's all cool in the house of random. You know where to find me.
~Polar :) *Quickly ends it before I ruin everything*
See you in the next post!
Look, I know what I want to write. I know when and how to write it down. I'm listening to good writing music. I want to talk about so much stuff. But my own thoughts constantly interrupt what I'm planning to do. And I end up going nowhere. Sigh.
So, right now? I'm working on this possibly big-scale comic. And I plan to follow through with it! Once I prove to myself that I'm good at meeting personal deadlines, I can finally finish that other one that I constantly have been promising everyone for the last year and a half. Yay! :)
Also, if you didn't catch on, I have a Tumblr. Two, actually. I spend a lot more time on them than I anticipated, and one of my usernames is epicninjabowlerhatguy. Pretty long, but meh. I like it. I also have an ask blog, designed for people to send in questions and I make tiny little comics in response. It's been as successful as one can expect. Username for that one being ask-fressy-faxbeat, because it's aimed at the characters of the horror game franchise Five Nights at Freddy's. And ask-freddy-fazbear was already taken. Parodies are more fun anyways. Feel free to check them both out, though I haven't been too active on either lately. I've been too busy with -- shock, gasp, surprise -- working exercise and fun outdoor activities into my schedule.
It's actually pretty cool. But I have to ease into it.
It's summer, guys. But I don't quite feel the freedom summer usually offers quite yet. And thus, I have a lack of excitement to voice to you all.
I want you to know that in the past couple months, I've seriously upped my artistic game. Like, I've explored more artistic media in the past three weeks than I probably have the rest of my life. And for once, I'm liking what I'm turning out. So maybe I'll be uploading some images of said artwork. Who knows?
Okay, I'm really losing any sense of direction here. I guess my point here is that I'm really, seriously, not dead, and I am doing things with my life. I'm not just sitting around being a lazy potato. That would be really cute, actually. A potato doodle.
*Mind wanders again, then I realize I'm talking about something and abruptly jumps back in, pretending I remember what I was going on about*
Bloggers tell about their lives. And as such, I plan to tell you about my adventures. But I've not been too adventurous quite yet, so it'll have to wait a bit, but I'm trying to point out that I will be posting over the summer like I promised! And there will be cool stuff! Because I've become a cooler person since last summer!
I would really love some feedback, too, y'know? Even if it's just a random conversation or a compliment or a criticism. It's all cool in the house of random. You know where to find me.
~Polar :) *Quickly ends it before I ruin everything*
See you in the next post!
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
2000
So, I'd like to mention that my blog just hit 2,000 views. It's really freaking awesome.
A year ago today, I had maybe a maximum of 100 views. You know who used to frequent this blog the most? Me. I used to be my own biggest fan. Which is about the saddest thing I've ever heard, because I didn't even believe in myself all that much back then.
But then I got back on the band wagon, and started up a storyline I'd been writing since I was nine. I just thought it would be my own thing at first. You know, the kind of thing you write for fun. Whoo-ee, though, you guys proved me wrong. I love that I don't even need look at my blog from the other side anymore like I used to, and that every view represents one of you saying, "I like this. I'm reading it, I'm keeping up with this story, because I appreciate it." And that much alone is worth dying over. I went back through your comments and I have to say, you guys rock. It's hella rad to have you all here reading my stuff.
So, I know I haven't been nearly as consistent as I keep telling you I will be. And that's partially because I have school to worry about and that I get sick sometimes, sure. But I've also been working on a bunch of projects with some of my other blogging peeps. (Bet you didn't know I have blogging peeps, eh?) We're writing like three different things at the same time, and I've created a new blog and posted some stuff on that thing, though I'm not quite ready to share it with you. I have a total of two Tumblr accounts, and I've been managing that. And I've also been planning out that Super comic I was hinting at. You know, that thing I sorely disappointed everyone about because I didn't update on it for months? Well, I can't say I've been focusing hugely on it, but I've been making progress. And there's the other comic that got destroyed in the rain? I'm going to fix hat one up for real, too.
So yeah, I've been on hiatus for a while. And I'm sorry it went unannounced. But I wasn't just ignoring you guys, I promise. And I told myself that, hey, you guys haven't seen the light of any of my art that wasn't absolutely horrendous for a while. So I decided to doodle some thank you things for y'all.
When I first saw that I had reached 2,000 views, I was like:
And then I started freaking out but trying to contain it like:
And then I realized that I should thank you guys for being such cool peeps to me and all, so:
Thanks to you all for being there for me! And reading my blog even if I didn't put new stuff on here! I swear, when school gets out next month, I will work out a good schedule again. Last summer I didn't have so much of a schedule as a rule to have at least one post a week. I've figured out how I can cue things up and space out my writings a bit more, so that'll be different, I guess?
Basically, in the act of creating a bunch of new stuff, I figured out how to use the old stuff. So expect me to be more blog-tech-savvy now, okay? I've gotten used to the lingo, and how to use all of these buttons. Keep in mind, I've barely been doing this a year. I also worked out this system that'll sound complicated on paper but is much easier and less tedious than what I had before that'll help me upload images. Because I used to have major issues with that. So you may see more artwork on here....!
Basically, thanks. Y'know. That's something I said too many times already, but whatever.
~PolarFarina
A year ago today, I had maybe a maximum of 100 views. You know who used to frequent this blog the most? Me. I used to be my own biggest fan. Which is about the saddest thing I've ever heard, because I didn't even believe in myself all that much back then.
But then I got back on the band wagon, and started up a storyline I'd been writing since I was nine. I just thought it would be my own thing at first. You know, the kind of thing you write for fun. Whoo-ee, though, you guys proved me wrong. I love that I don't even need look at my blog from the other side anymore like I used to, and that every view represents one of you saying, "I like this. I'm reading it, I'm keeping up with this story, because I appreciate it." And that much alone is worth dying over. I went back through your comments and I have to say, you guys rock. It's hella rad to have you all here reading my stuff.
So, I know I haven't been nearly as consistent as I keep telling you I will be. And that's partially because I have school to worry about and that I get sick sometimes, sure. But I've also been working on a bunch of projects with some of my other blogging peeps. (Bet you didn't know I have blogging peeps, eh?) We're writing like three different things at the same time, and I've created a new blog and posted some stuff on that thing, though I'm not quite ready to share it with you. I have a total of two Tumblr accounts, and I've been managing that. And I've also been planning out that Super comic I was hinting at. You know, that thing I sorely disappointed everyone about because I didn't update on it for months? Well, I can't say I've been focusing hugely on it, but I've been making progress. And there's the other comic that got destroyed in the rain? I'm going to fix hat one up for real, too.
So yeah, I've been on hiatus for a while. And I'm sorry it went unannounced. But I wasn't just ignoring you guys, I promise. And I told myself that, hey, you guys haven't seen the light of any of my art that wasn't absolutely horrendous for a while. So I decided to doodle some thank you things for y'all.
When I first saw that I had reached 2,000 views, I was like:
Basically, in the act of creating a bunch of new stuff, I figured out how to use the old stuff. So expect me to be more blog-tech-savvy now, okay? I've gotten used to the lingo, and how to use all of these buttons. Keep in mind, I've barely been doing this a year. I also worked out this system that'll sound complicated on paper but is much easier and less tedious than what I had before that'll help me upload images. Because I used to have major issues with that. So you may see more artwork on here....!
Basically, thanks. Y'know. That's something I said too many times already, but whatever.
~PolarFarina
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Diary #1: Frustration, as Always
I sit in my room, on my bed. I had to dig my cute little fan out of the attic the other day; it's been really hot recently. On Saturday it even got up to seventy degrees; it's so weird, spring in Oregon. One day you can be sweating hot, the next you need three layers. Today was pretty chilly, actually; I didn't quite need a jacket, though if I had worn one it probably wouldn't have made much difference.
I play my music -- Gorillaz. I can't believe I haven't found the band before now; it's been around since 1998. Now, to catch up, I listen to them all the time, loud as always. I think about my blog, about how many promises I've broken trying to get it started up again. It crushes me, just thinking about it. I slide off my bed, go through my identical sketchbooks, one after another. Looking for one that isn't filled to the brim. Finally finding one of my newer ones, not quite full but getting there, I open to a blank page. Get out my singular fancy 4B pencil made solely out of graphite. I broke it in half today, in Sculpture class. I was trying to sharpen it and when it snapped I screamed and everyone looked at me weird. I didn't care about them, not nearly as much as I did about the pencil. I taped it three times, because I couldn't get it back together right.
I pull out that pencil now, hold it in just the right position. Start drawing. What am I drawing? I don't know. If I think about it too hard I can't finish it. So instead, I think of all the guilt I've been ignoring lately.
There are so many plans I have, so many things I try to do. Most of them don't work out. But then I push it harder, and that's when it falls apart. Like my homework. For most of the year, I haven't been doing it. And it came back to bite me in the butt last month, when teacher conferences came by and my parents went with me like always, only to find out that my grades were less than exemplary. And it was because I didn't do my homework. Any of it. Ever.
It just didn't interest me. None of it did. But what had I been doing to fill that extra time? It felt like nothing. Just a whole six months worth of nothing, that's what my life feels like right now. I could've been writing. I could've been drawing. I could've been hanging out with friends, playing video games, doing something else even slightly productive. But nope. Nothing. I know I've been wasting my life the past few months and it's killing me inside.
But then, halfway through February, I woke up one morning and realized that it sucked, doing nothing. Nothing was boring, it made me sleepy. It made me slow, and fat. I decided that wasn't who I wanted to be, so I started making changes. Wrote some optimistic posts on my blog. But habits don't change in a day. That takes time.
My hand moves quicker as I think harder. I stop trying to control my hands completely and just let them do what they want. My hands are turning grey, coated in graphite like they always get with this pencil. I used to complain to myself about the smudges it leaves, but now I actually kind of like it.
In most of my classes, my teachers won't let me redo the stuff I messed up on. Except for math. In math, you can always try again. Suddenly, instead of sitting around doing nothing and wasting my time, I was working on things, doing stuff. And it feels good, doing stuff. Even if it's something you don't like.
On Friday, I turned in my last piece of overdue homework. I'm as caught up as I can be. But I still feel weird, for some reason. I think it's probably because there are so many things changing lately; I'm doing homework again, finding new things to do, working on my drawings again. I feel like I can call myself an artist again. The season's changing, and I've started walking home from school. First time ever doing that on a daily basis.
Today in Health we got assigned this group project that relies heavily on drawing. But my group is this mix of complete slackers and leadership buffs, and to top it off the leadership girls are artists as well. They wouldn't let me even get a look at what they were working on at first, and when I quietly mentioned that I'd like to draw too, they assigned me instead to writing stuff. Which I'm not against, really, but it made me mad that they wouldn't even consider that I might like to participate in something that I perceive myself as pretty good at. It was like they were saying, "Well, you could be an artist.... but I've never seen you draw anything in Health class, so we're not going to bother." Yeah, like I just love to whip out my sketchbook in the middle of class. I've never seen them draw in class, either. And frankly, I've gotten into some mild trouble for drawing when I wasn't supposed to. I've been trying really hard to clean up my act. I think again about those girls. How am I supposed to get good grades on things and feel good about it when I didn't participate the way I'd like to? The entire time I was trying to debate on how to confront them, but everything I came up with made me sound like a jerk. I'm not good at confronting people. And when it comes down to it, it really sucks.
I start on some shading, really scribbling now. I'll show them.
Pfft. Like I ever show off my really good drawings. My favorites I tend to keep to myself. I have this weird thing where if I show someone something that I'm really proud of, I feel like I'm being a total jerk and boasting that I'm better, which isn't what I'm trying to do, but I still feel that way anyway. I also know how it feels to be upstaged. Big time.
I finish my drawing. I look at it, staring at my work. It's a face. Like that's any surprise. Faces are all I'm good at, anyway. I think it's pretty good -- I got the hair down well, the way it's blowing in the imaginary wind. I like to experiment with hair, because it's so unpredictable. But the nose -- there's something off about the nose, as usual. Feh. Another one for the archives.
I throw my sketchbook on the floor, and it rests comfortably among my randomly tossed clothes. I should really do some cleaning. Urgh. My mind feels so trapped. I wish I could do some writing, but the wrong juices are flowing; all I can think about is myself at the moment. But I promised something to be up two weeks ago!
I open up my laptop, start some different music -- music I like to write to. I think hard. I need to start writing something, or else I think I'm going to explode. Drawing isn't working right now, it's not running in the right groove. I take a deep breath, think some more.
What if I started a diary segment? Dang, that would be so relaxing, actually. I haven't kept a diary in ages, and to be honest, it'll probably really help, even just to write about normal everyday frustrations like overprotective artists.
I click the New Post button, start typing. "I sit in my room, on my bed..."
((This so relaxing. I can't even begin to describe how much I like this idea. I'm going to start doing this a lot, if you don't mind. Of course, that doesn't mean that The Super will stop, not at all. It just means that there's going to be more content as a whole, actually.
I think "Diary" is sort of a lame name, though. I don't know what to call it, and no, "journal" is not an acceptable alternative at this point. Don't worry, I'll think up something.
I also don't know when this will be actually published. My laptop totally wigged out with the internet earlier, and this post got lost in the tubey tubes. And I know there's going to be a whole lot of lag posting this... basically, whenever this finally gets posted is okay. Just, I'm mad about how glitchy my computer and Google are, and it's just--URGH! Sorry.
See you on the flip side.
~PolarFarina))
I play my music -- Gorillaz. I can't believe I haven't found the band before now; it's been around since 1998. Now, to catch up, I listen to them all the time, loud as always. I think about my blog, about how many promises I've broken trying to get it started up again. It crushes me, just thinking about it. I slide off my bed, go through my identical sketchbooks, one after another. Looking for one that isn't filled to the brim. Finally finding one of my newer ones, not quite full but getting there, I open to a blank page. Get out my singular fancy 4B pencil made solely out of graphite. I broke it in half today, in Sculpture class. I was trying to sharpen it and when it snapped I screamed and everyone looked at me weird. I didn't care about them, not nearly as much as I did about the pencil. I taped it three times, because I couldn't get it back together right.
I pull out that pencil now, hold it in just the right position. Start drawing. What am I drawing? I don't know. If I think about it too hard I can't finish it. So instead, I think of all the guilt I've been ignoring lately.
There are so many plans I have, so many things I try to do. Most of them don't work out. But then I push it harder, and that's when it falls apart. Like my homework. For most of the year, I haven't been doing it. And it came back to bite me in the butt last month, when teacher conferences came by and my parents went with me like always, only to find out that my grades were less than exemplary. And it was because I didn't do my homework. Any of it. Ever.
It just didn't interest me. None of it did. But what had I been doing to fill that extra time? It felt like nothing. Just a whole six months worth of nothing, that's what my life feels like right now. I could've been writing. I could've been drawing. I could've been hanging out with friends, playing video games, doing something else even slightly productive. But nope. Nothing. I know I've been wasting my life the past few months and it's killing me inside.
But then, halfway through February, I woke up one morning and realized that it sucked, doing nothing. Nothing was boring, it made me sleepy. It made me slow, and fat. I decided that wasn't who I wanted to be, so I started making changes. Wrote some optimistic posts on my blog. But habits don't change in a day. That takes time.
My hand moves quicker as I think harder. I stop trying to control my hands completely and just let them do what they want. My hands are turning grey, coated in graphite like they always get with this pencil. I used to complain to myself about the smudges it leaves, but now I actually kind of like it.
In most of my classes, my teachers won't let me redo the stuff I messed up on. Except for math. In math, you can always try again. Suddenly, instead of sitting around doing nothing and wasting my time, I was working on things, doing stuff. And it feels good, doing stuff. Even if it's something you don't like.
On Friday, I turned in my last piece of overdue homework. I'm as caught up as I can be. But I still feel weird, for some reason. I think it's probably because there are so many things changing lately; I'm doing homework again, finding new things to do, working on my drawings again. I feel like I can call myself an artist again. The season's changing, and I've started walking home from school. First time ever doing that on a daily basis.
Today in Health we got assigned this group project that relies heavily on drawing. But my group is this mix of complete slackers and leadership buffs, and to top it off the leadership girls are artists as well. They wouldn't let me even get a look at what they were working on at first, and when I quietly mentioned that I'd like to draw too, they assigned me instead to writing stuff. Which I'm not against, really, but it made me mad that they wouldn't even consider that I might like to participate in something that I perceive myself as pretty good at. It was like they were saying, "Well, you could be an artist.... but I've never seen you draw anything in Health class, so we're not going to bother." Yeah, like I just love to whip out my sketchbook in the middle of class. I've never seen them draw in class, either. And frankly, I've gotten into some mild trouble for drawing when I wasn't supposed to. I've been trying really hard to clean up my act. I think again about those girls. How am I supposed to get good grades on things and feel good about it when I didn't participate the way I'd like to? The entire time I was trying to debate on how to confront them, but everything I came up with made me sound like a jerk. I'm not good at confronting people. And when it comes down to it, it really sucks.
I start on some shading, really scribbling now. I'll show them.
Pfft. Like I ever show off my really good drawings. My favorites I tend to keep to myself. I have this weird thing where if I show someone something that I'm really proud of, I feel like I'm being a total jerk and boasting that I'm better, which isn't what I'm trying to do, but I still feel that way anyway. I also know how it feels to be upstaged. Big time.
I finish my drawing. I look at it, staring at my work. It's a face. Like that's any surprise. Faces are all I'm good at, anyway. I think it's pretty good -- I got the hair down well, the way it's blowing in the imaginary wind. I like to experiment with hair, because it's so unpredictable. But the nose -- there's something off about the nose, as usual. Feh. Another one for the archives.
I throw my sketchbook on the floor, and it rests comfortably among my randomly tossed clothes. I should really do some cleaning. Urgh. My mind feels so trapped. I wish I could do some writing, but the wrong juices are flowing; all I can think about is myself at the moment. But I promised something to be up two weeks ago!
I open up my laptop, start some different music -- music I like to write to. I think hard. I need to start writing something, or else I think I'm going to explode. Drawing isn't working right now, it's not running in the right groove. I take a deep breath, think some more.
What if I started a diary segment? Dang, that would be so relaxing, actually. I haven't kept a diary in ages, and to be honest, it'll probably really help, even just to write about normal everyday frustrations like overprotective artists.
I click the New Post button, start typing. "I sit in my room, on my bed..."
((This so relaxing. I can't even begin to describe how much I like this idea. I'm going to start doing this a lot, if you don't mind. Of course, that doesn't mean that The Super will stop, not at all. It just means that there's going to be more content as a whole, actually.
I think "Diary" is sort of a lame name, though. I don't know what to call it, and no, "journal" is not an acceptable alternative at this point. Don't worry, I'll think up something.
I also don't know when this will be actually published. My laptop totally wigged out with the internet earlier, and this post got lost in the tubey tubes. And I know there's going to be a whole lot of lag posting this... basically, whenever this finally gets posted is okay. Just, I'm mad about how glitchy my computer and Google are, and it's just--URGH! Sorry.
See you on the flip side.
~PolarFarina))
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