I sat down a while ago with the intention of writing an interesting post. That didn't work out as well as I'd hoped. I have literally been staring at this post blankly for almost half an hour, having no idea what to write. So I'll do something random: I'll write about my art aspirations when I was eight. And then criticize myself. Because that's how you get better at stuff. Plus it's sort of funny.
When I was in third grade, I invented a superhero. I didn't know what to call him so I ended up giving him the name The Super! I have a terrible reputation with names. One time I got a Build-A-Bear, and the lady was like, "What are you going to name it?" And I was like, "I don't know!" That became my bear's legal name. I Don't Know. I call her Ida for short. I also have a brown bear called Brownie, a white one called Snowball, a patchwork one called Wonderful, and a fuzzy one called Zach. I also have one called The Doctor. He has two hearts. I like him best.
So anyway, there was The Super. He has a purple hat that looks like a TV antenna, and his head is basically a rectangle with half a circle attached to the bottom for some kind of snout-thing where his mouth is. His feet are triangles, his hands are round so he looks like they're in fists all of the time, and his cape is red with an orange letter S on it, but it's so freaking long it just looks like it's red with a line down the middle. Also, his skin is green.
At first it was this random thing I drew because I was bored, and I hadn't added any color to it. My first comic I drew with him in it that I can remember was about two or three pages long and had been drawn on some random paper that had a border of cats holding balloons going around the edge.
I quickly upped my standards, though. At a Borders book store I went to regularly before it went out of business, I got my mom to buy me this blank spiral notebook with a picture of curry on it. The pages were tinted slightly orange, which I thought was the coolest thing ever.
Then I set to work. The story I drew in that notebook was a lot longer than anything I had ever attempted before. In fact, it took up almost the whole notebook. In it, The Super rescues a damsel in distress, who actually turns out to be his worst enemy in disguise: Blue Tentacle Man! (I told you I was bad at coming up with names.) The blue guy keeps trying to battle The Super, but gets interrupted because The Super has to do other stuff first, like knocking out the random drunk guy walking by (I don't really get this, and I was the one who drew it), and open a portal to another dimension. The blue guy totally freaks out when he gets sucked into the portal, but The Super is just depressed. "I thought I'd never have to do this again..." he says. I think this was just me trying to be dramatic, but I can't be sure.
When they finally land in the other dimension, The Super is obviously weakened. He groans randomly and his right leg is weird (although that could've just been me messing up while drawing). Also, there's no color in this dimension. Then he tries to use his laser eyes on the blue guy, but the laser falls short. The blue guy is amazed that he hasn't burned to a crisp and is all like, "What happened?" The Super then somehow manages to taunt the blue guy into a game of chase, and then traps him on a ledge on the side of a cliff. The bad guy finally neutralized, The Super reopens the portal, jumps through, regaining his color, and ends up... face to face with a giant T-Rex. He freaks out, and exclaims, "Oh My... GOSH!!!" I had originally written him saying, "Oh My... GOD!!!" but I guess I decided it was too explicit. I was eight years old, after all.
It's obvious that he came out either in the wrong dimension or the wrong time. Possibly both. The Super opens the portal again, and comes out the other side. He floats above a city, debating whether or not it's the city he constantly protects, then randomly decides that it is. The Super lands on the ground, and declares, "Victory!" Then this one girl says, "I didn't know you were fighting." Then some random person in the crowd shouts, "Duh! That's why he was gone 3 days!" (This dialogue is all directly from the comic, by the way. Completely unedited third grader.) I don't know about you guys, but looking back on it I don't think he had been out for that long. I mean, he trapped a guy on a cliff. Does that really take three days? Or was it the going through the portal that created some kind of time shift in The Super's reality, so that for him it was like ten minutes but for everyone else it was three days? I don't know.
Anyways, everyone's celebrating another victory, but The Super gets lost in thought, thinking about where he might actually come from. Everyone in town is a normal human, but as I established before, the Super is some kind of green alien with triangle feet and spherical hands. He's totally different, and he knows it. He sort of talks about how he kind of remembers some weird world where totally crazy stuff exists: trees with spots, dogs walking on two legs, and saltwater rivers. I realize now that last one isn't as strange as I thought it was when I was in third grade, because it is possible for saltwater and freshwater to mix within the same river, but, oh well.
So he decides to go look for this different world, because obviously he has been completely unable to do so until this very moment. He starts flying around with no particular direction until he remembers he has a magic map that can take him wherever he wants. Well, if he has that, why does he fly anywhere? Why does he even use portals? Why do I question my own logic? Of course, the Super doesn't actually know the name of his birthworld (I suppose that's what you'd call it) so he does the next logical thing: He tells his map to take him "anywhere I haven't been in a long time." Well, he's sure to find it that way! *sarcasm*
Suddenly he appears in this weird place with a square sun, pink and green spotted trees, dogs walking on two legs, and a saltwater... lake? So now it's a lake? Okay then. Also there are other people who look like The Super, except they're all different colors and they wear different hats and capes. This one guy says, "You're gonna end up scarin' someone if you keep poppin' up like that! Wait, aren't you the Super?" At this point, The Super disappears and appears somewhere else. I guess when he said "Take me anywhere I haven't been in a long time," the map must've short-circuited and decided to send him everywhere he's ever been.
The next place he ends up is this big rocky cavern with steep cliffs, and at the top is some caveman who cries out when he sees The Super magically materialize in front of him. Then he appears somewhere else with huge rocky caverns, except this place has a waterfall and an old man yelling at a butterfly. "Wait!" shouts the Super. "Go back!" He appears back in the place with the caveman. "Again..." he says, and appears in the place with the square sun and all the other random stuff.
And you know what his first thought is when he sees this wonderful world filled with people just like him? "I've got to tell my people!" Then the guy who talked to him before and asks, "Where did you get that cape?" He must really love The Super's cape because in this panel his eyes are huge and buggy. The Super replies, "Sorry, got to go!" And the other guy says, "Wait-" but The Super's already poofed away, back in the town filled with people that he constantly saves. He declares over the entire city: "People of this city, I have found my homeland and wish to go there. So I will! I'll also request another superhero to protect you. Goodbye!" and the entire city says in unison: "Goodbye!"
Let me just say: Best. Farewell speech. Ever.
Then he poofs away again, and conveniently appears directly in front of City Hall in square sun town. City Hall randomly changes color, mostly because in the second panel I drew it in I messed up and colored it the wrong color. So now it's a mood City Hall! The Super walks inside, and the receptionist says, "Hey, aren't you The Super?" and he says, "Yeah, um, I want a place to live." The receptionist says, "Well, why didn't you say so?" (Didn't he just do that?)
The End. Literally.
Let me just say, The Super only went up from there. I'll tell you more later, maybe even have pictures. But for now I'll leave you pondering over the craziness of my third grade mind.
See you next time,
PolarFarina
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